Brand of V

Strengths or Weaknesses?

I'm pretty sure my relentlessness in getting answers from my family, friends, and peers was a clear indication of the stubbornness I possess. My friends described that drive in kinder words, like determined, focused and perseverance. I am very bad at putting in my efforts in subjects, people, and things I do not like. However, for the passions, community, and desires I have, I can't help but become fully invested in it. Many times I will try and see myself achieving a goal I have set for myself or acquiring something I have always wanted. That vision becomes a motivator, always swimming in the back of my head, and it becomes a part of me, those desires shape me. I will not budge from what I have internally decided. No matter what it is, whether it be the decadent chocolate molten lava cake I'm craving or the personal goal of being able to run a 5k without breaking a sweat, it's already in my mind and I will do everything I can to get it. With the help of my friends and family, many stated that a strength I had was being straightforward, not beating around the bush on the important and crucial topics, even confrontational at times. I had to agree, I am very blunt and objective when I need to be. This applies to not being able to deal with rude or unfair behavior. My friend had once complained that in one of our class discussions I was sick for, there was a very rude guy that loudly exclaimed how he didn't think the TA was fit to teach. Being more introverted, my friend said she had wanted me there, so I could have told him straight that his words were not helping anyone, to clean his manners up, and write his thoughts on the feedback forms.

With great stubbornness, comes great tension. No one can be right all the time, no matter how much they try to convince they are right. There are times, when I'm in the wrong, and when I have put all the effort and gotten that opinion embedded in my mind, it's hard to admit that it's the wrong one. It shakes your foundation and gives you a lot to doubt on, especially when you aren't used to things not going your way. This is something I really need to work on, letting go when the facts are not with you. Some people can stay rigid for all eternity, but I've learned you can't be stubborn about everything, flexibility is key to being content in life, and living the best life you can.

As someone who as an opinion on almost every topic under the stars,  I enjoy discussing and learning about everything and anything the world has to offer. For all the talking I do, I definitely believe I observe and listen just as much, this has been something I have worked and realized over the years, that it is true, you should always listen more than you talk. As a result of this I like analogies and seeing the relations between things, my trusty jury of friends and family were in aggressive agreement that I have an outgoing and amiable personality. Although, many of them also groan at my delectable puns, they gave me similar responses in that I had a lot of energy to share, and that enthusiasm gives me the skip in my walk. There is so much I have no discovered about myself and the world I live in, always something exciting every which way you look. I like learning about all that I don't know, and I barely know anything really, just recently I had a thrilling conversation about quilts with my aunts. There just didn't seem like any reason not to be amazed by these intricate quilts. 

I have to know what I am talking about, if I don't I rather just listen. Yes, it seems like common sense, but there seems to be a dearth of that sometimes. Because I like hearing and learning about many things, this spills over into perspective as well. Every story has at least 2 sides to look at it from, there are so many possibilities, I am not able to look at just one. The world we live in is very grey, black and white is a thing of the past. Only when we talk about these perspectives and accept that change is inevitable, we can take the next step of looking at the situation objectively and make a decision that is for the greater good. I don't think there is one right way to live, I do believe there is a set of fundamental principles that everyone should follow, for example, be kind, the world can always use more kindness. My parents were quick to mention that, being confrontational had taught me to pick my battles wisely. For the battles that I wasn't waging war, they stated, I was able to communicate and come to a consensus with the warring parties, a stable middle ground.

There is a standard I hold myself to, and others around me to as well, and it is a bit ridiculous. The company you keep shapes you and your future, I have so much to gratitude for the amazing people around me constantly radiating their light, of which I am lucky enough to be warmed by. However, there are times I forget to be so kind to myself, and it really doesn't help. Being critical of every move and action I take for myself and worrying about the consequence has been something that has hindered me for a long time. As a result, there are some days, procrastination rears its ugly head because I'm afraid that my attempt will fail. But, you miss all the shots you don't take. I was a diver in high school and started from not even being able to get on the board. Those years I failed so much, so publicly, and so magnificently it was appalling. I found so many ways how not to do a dive, you could write a book on it. From those experiences I started to look at failure in a more positive light, every time I failed it was something I got to learn. And when I did stick the landing, after multiple failed attempts, that feeling was the most satisfying of all. In trying to be the best, sometimes I forgot I had a to be a good cheerleader as well as a good critic of myself. 

I can't tell anymore which are my strengths and which are the weaknesses, it seems to be any trait of mine can be my strength if I apply it at the right time, and a weakness if used at the inopportune time.